Self Help - Ego
The Dimension of Self

True self, as we were born to be, before we developed an alter ego. The reflection we see in a peaceful scene of nature, standing on our own, but not alone, just at one with all that surrounds us.

A pristine garden of ideas and caring.

False self, being what others expect of us. Trying to impress other people. Working the pecking order in family, society, workplace etc. Playing ego games. Projecting an identity.

The garden is overgrown with weeds of ander, disappointments and distortions.

Trying to be somebody! -

Self Help Note : For heavens sake, you already are somebody.

If you don't stop trying to be someone else you will eventually lose sight of who you really are.

Look, it goes like this: people see in others a reflection, or a projection of themselves. They do not see who you are. They do not want to see who you are. They are too busy showing you who they are, too busy playing their own ego games, too busy trying to think of what to say next!
So stop trying to impress people - they don't care!

Self Help Note : Don't worry about what other people think - they don't do it very often.

The lesson - discover who we really are!

So ask - "WHO AM I"?

Do you know? Do you care? Well you had better care because when it comes down to it - you are all that you really have!

Forget what others have told you who they think you are - that is a reflection of them - and that is their problem.

Self help Note : If you want to know what someone thinks about themselves, ask them their opinion of someone else - they will tell you all about themselves because they see in others a reflection or a projection of themselves.

Who you are has nothing to do with:

• What you do for a living
• How wealthy you are or are not
• Where or how you live
• What you believe

It does have something to do with who your friends are - because you see in them a reflection of yourself.

It does have something to do with your perception of beauty - because in beauty you see a reflection of yourself.

It does have something to do with nature - because here your reflection is non judgmental.

The final answer is - I am who I am and that is all I need!

(To define yourself is to limit yourself)!

Your ego is your expression of self. It also contains a built in defense mechanism developed over a lifetime of mental and verbal attack. Your ego is there to protect you!

If overdeveloped, this defense mechanism not only protects you but prevents you from showing your true self, who you really are, because that is what you have taught it to do - it is self help gone wrong.

Now we have to unteach it.There is no real threat to a master! There is no real threat to true self! Threats, (other than physical threats), are an illusion! However these illusions cause negative emotions which adversly affect your happiness.

Self help note :

"The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body's energy system!"

Gary Craig - Founder of EFT.

No one else can hurt you!

You can only hurt yourself by taking hurt or offense at someone elses words.

Self Help Note : Yep, we are back at self responsibility again!

It is as simple as not taking the words of others on board. But how? Easier said than done!

Hurt comes from when you place expectations on other people and situations. See Personality Addictions, the next lesson for further clarification.

When you addictively demand an outcome, you are going to be hurt when the outcome is not realised because you have invested all your personal capital in an outcome or situation.

Do not expect! Do not demand! Prefer!

Expectations and demands are addictions. We are addictively demanding or expecting something to come to pass - or else!

Or else we are going to get upset, become angry, be disappointed, or otherwise take offense etc. etc. - you get the idea!

Can you take no for an answer? Can you say no when you mean no? No is not a rejection of you, it simply represents a situation which is not going to be.

Upset, anger, and disappointments are all self inflicted injuries!!
They are the result of addictive demands.

One form of addictive demand is when we hook other people- usually those who are close to us. A hook is when we place an expectation on somebody, ie. "If you loved me, then you would ......"! It is a hook because the other person is being coerced and cannot get away - neither can they get closer!

Preferences on the other hand, are the willow sapling which bends before the wind.

I would prefer that you took this advice on board.
I would prefer that you agreed with me.
I would prefer you to be successful.
I would prefer you to be happy.

But you do not have to - it is your life!

Personality Addictions